So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
