i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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