The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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