listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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