Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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