Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
