The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
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Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
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The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just puked most of my soul out..
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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