it was like his penis was on wheels.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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