Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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