He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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