Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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