He had one of those small greek statue penises
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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