i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
