My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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