I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
