It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
