shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
