Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I cut my penus on the lid.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize