He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
