I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
