I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize