I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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