Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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