1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
