dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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