people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize
