i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
