Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
