TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
