I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
