if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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