He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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