I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
