Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
