Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
