ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
