I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
