Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
