My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
