Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
