They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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