literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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