this beer tastes like vomit already
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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