After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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