I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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