Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
