I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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