In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
