they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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