does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
