You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize