I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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