My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
