When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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