you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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