Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
