Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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