ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
