dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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