What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
