its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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