I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
